I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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