when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
