She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
