So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
