Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
