Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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