Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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