Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
