and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
