even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize