He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
