i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
