just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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