you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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