please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
