After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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