Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
