Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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