im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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