There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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