She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
