His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
