i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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