It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
