If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
