I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
