i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
