I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
