my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
