if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
