My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
