I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
