Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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