it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
