Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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