Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
