Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
