it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
