I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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