i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
