What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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