Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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