I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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