imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
