I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
