So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
