I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
