I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
