Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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