I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize