you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Your cock deserves a montage
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
