I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
do herpes really smell.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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