Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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