dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
