cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
