Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
