Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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