He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
