i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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