was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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