Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize