I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
