Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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