I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
