Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
